So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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