i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
