I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
