I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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