If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
