Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
