I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
