i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We need a shit load of segways right now
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
