Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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