when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
