yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
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I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
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Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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