And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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