he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
