Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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