It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
