He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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