I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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