whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
