yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
