stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
zippers are such a cool invention
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
