so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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