I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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