I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
