Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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