Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
