dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
