our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
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I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
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I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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