You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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