So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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