So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
