And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
then he tried to convert me to islam
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
