kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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