Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My ass is underappreciated
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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