Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
