I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
