I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
