I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
