I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
