I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
