What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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