I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
