butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
