Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
