Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Can you bring me the toilet please
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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