whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
