I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
jump out the window naked night went bad
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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