You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize