I just cut my nipple shaving
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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