I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
