this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
