then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize