He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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