It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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