does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
