And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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