I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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