Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
