i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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