you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
