i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
