ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
