Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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