remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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